Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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