it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
