I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
