How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
