I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
