whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize