Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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