The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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