Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
