Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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