i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
