Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
