oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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