They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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