Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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