I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
