i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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