the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
