i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
