I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
