Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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