she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
