i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.