yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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