I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
