i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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