but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
