Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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