Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
