We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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