LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
