I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
