the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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