shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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