dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize