the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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