i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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