i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
