Cold hands, warm shart.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
