4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
