I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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