Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
