how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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