Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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