For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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