If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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