i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
