It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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