i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize