Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Boobs are out for the taking
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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