You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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