I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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