I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
