You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
