You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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