im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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