mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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