i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
