By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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