Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
